"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
