Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize