I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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