I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
time to smoke my breakfast
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
