Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
