is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
