You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
