i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
