just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think people are normalizing furries
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
