trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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