why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your penis caused this!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize