I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
