dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize