You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
