and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
