I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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