we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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