non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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