she woke up with a sticky ear
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
