i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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