I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
