is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
