and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
