Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
