god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize