Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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