i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
