how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
