Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
