is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize