Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
