dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
