She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
