I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
