How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
