Fine. I'll sleep in my office
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize