i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize