I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
