so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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