just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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