Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
