Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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