Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
