Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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