yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize