____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize