Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
