you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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