I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
