You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
