so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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