Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
