I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
