Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
