Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
