dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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