i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
