I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
