guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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