So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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