that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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