I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
