wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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