I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
