What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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