i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
