I wanna passion pit in your ass
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
