That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
